Of the total diversity of reasons why people remain virgin, sexologist emit five principal.
Traumatic childhood experiences (sexual harassment, violence). The strategy of avoidance, deputy conduct can not get into situations that can cause severe memory.
Idealization partner. Romantics sublimating the need for love and convert it to other experiences. They are waiting for a meeting with a man or woman of their dreams or remain true to first love.
Religious, cultural norms. In some traditions are required to keep virgin until the wedding, or even until his death.
Still unformed sexual identity. A man in his youth not absorbed the stereotypes of sexual behavior of their sex. This may be due, and not perceived homosexuality.
Low self-esteem. Man feels is not beautiful, stupid, unworthy of attention. Often this is the result of difficult relations with his mother - too power to interfere in all affairs, or indifferent, absent.
«When you sixteen, and you are a virgin, even touching. But in thirty-six it already looks ridiculous and indecent ». How many people have experienced such feelings known: no statistics, and hard on this issue expect candor. Nevertheless, many adults live remains virgin, and suffer from it as of anomalies, which no one can tell. «I am red, when I ask: Who are you on the horoscope - Virgo? I hate the expression of type «innocent lamb», «virgin jungle», and so on », - recognizes the 32-year-old Anna. Anna is protected by force of the Actor's imagination: «All I play the role of swagger virgins. No one knows the truth, but two friends with whom we are familiar from childhood ». For her deception - is saving, but necessary measure to avoid attracting attention, not excuses and did not answer the question: «Why?»
«Virginity adult in public opinion no longer looks like a virtue. It even saw a social failure: if you are successful, you need to be successful in everything », - comments sexologist, MD. «Sexual start before marriage is becoming commonplace. In this age of marriage increases - adds a gynecologist. - For 16-17-year-old boys and girls to have sexual relations today prestigious. Moreover, when a child of 20 years do not yet have a partner, parents worry: Is it all right? This change of manners - an additional problem for those who have never had sexual relations ».
In most cases, virgin does not serve either for or against virginity as such. But they always have any explanation: «too much work», «no desire», «no time» or «not yet met their love» ... «To live in harmony with one another, simply need to invent some explanation, a concept. - For example, their virginity man explains himself that he «fully Science», - and as if in confirmation of this clock sits in the library and the computer stops to chat with friends. This is an example of the so-called replacement behavior: when to achieve the desired too hard, we unconsciously switch to a different activity, thereby relieving the stress and anxiety ».
Up to a certain point for many of virginity is not a problem. Sometimes young people even claim the right to remain virgin until you meet lover. But for 30 years raises concern, followed by a can emerge and this phobia: «Can I?», «I Normal?» Man falls in circulation doubt that eventually could lead to the rejection of his body, fear of another body rights. By the 40-year-old point mental pain only increases. «Women virgin adulthood no longer wait for sexual relations. - Few said: «I want sex». They can not disturb the very possibility of infiltration into their body, they are afraid of pain. Rather, say: «I want children, home, family».
Most sexologist feel wrong to separate sex from other components of romantic relationships. «Often the problem is not sex: care of him, men and women unconsciously waive any close relations», - explains French sexologist Michele Saal. «Solid and reliable, these people do not believe in myself that constantly run down their questions:« So I do? »,« Is do? »- Continues sexologist. - It is easier simply to abandon relations, which continue to doubt and to experience ».
«It happened by itself - is recognized Anna. - I am heading psychotherapy, and now express their feelings more freely. What I think and helped me get to know this man. We both worked at the talks, then have supper together, there is some sympathy. He was married, and because the relationship could not continue. I first was able to talk about his virginity to a man. I shack up with him. Neither love talking about what was not, but it happened with great tenderness, it is easy ... nice. This first experience like I opened up, and now I feel normal, beautiful woman ».